Losing a parent is one of life’s most profound heartbreaks. When my mum passed away a few years ago, it felt like the ground had shifted beneath me. She had always been the glue that held our family together—wise, loving, and full of quiet strength.

Before she left, she had prepared a will, ensuring that my dad—who had suffered a stroke and lost his ability to speak and walk—would be taken care of. She had even included her funeral wishes, a small but deeply meaningful act that gave us comfort in our grief. What we didn’t anticipate was how difficult those next few years would be without a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) in place.

The Challenge of Caring Without Clear Guidance

When a parent becomes unable to make decisions, emotions run high. My siblings and I all wanted what was best for Dad, but we had different ideas on how to achieve that. Some believed in aggressive medical care, while others, like me, leaned toward comfort and quality of life. Without legal authority clearly assigned, every decision—from his daily care to financial matters—became a discussion (and sometimes, a debate).

It was exhausting.

But through it all, one thing kept us grounded: love. Despite our differences, we never let disagreements turn into lasting conflict. We remembered Mum’s words—"Take care of each other"—and that became our silent mantra.

Honoring Funeral Wishes: A Final Act of Love

When Mum passed, we found notes in her will about how she wanted her funeral—simple, heartfelt, and surrounded by family. She had even chosen her favorite hymns and asked for a gathering at home afterward, where we could share stories instead of formal speeches. Following her wishes made the day feel like a true reflection of her, not just a ritual.

When Dad joined her years later, we did the same for him. Though he couldn’t communicate his preferences, we knew he’d want something quiet and dignified, just like Mum. We played his favorite songs, It wasn’t extravagant, but it was them—and that’s what mattered.

The Passing of My Dad and the Role of the Will

A few years later, Dad joined Mum. The grief was overwhelming, but there was also a strange sense of peace knowing they were together again.

Luckily, Mum’s foresight in writing a will made the legal process smoother. As the executor, I was responsible for ensuring their wishes were carried out—not just financially, but in how we honored their memories. And because my siblings and I had already navigated tough decisions together, there was no feud over the estate—just a shared commitment to honoring our parents.

Lessons Learned: What I Wish I Knew Sooner

1. Lasting Power of Attorney is Crucial – If I could go back, I’d urge my parents to set up an LPA while they were still well. It would have saved us so much stress.

2. Funeral Wishes Matter – Knowing what Mum wanted removed so much uncertainty. Now, I encourage everyone to have that conversation early.

3. Communication is Key – Even when emotions run high, keeping an open dialogue with siblings helps prevent resentment.

4. A Will is a Gift – Mum’s will wasn’t just about assets; it was her final act of care, ensuring we wouldn’t be left in chaos.

Moving Forward with Gratitude

Grief doesn't disappear—it evolves. Some days, I still reach for the phone to call Mum, or catch myself expecting to hear Dad's voice. But I find comfort knowing we honored their wishes exactly as they wanted.

If you're navigating similar challenges with family or planning ahead yourself, remember: Clarity is kindness. The best legacy is one that leaves no room for doubt—or disputes.

Want to dig deeper into how we managed family dynamics or discuss your own advance planning? Grab a coffee with me! As someone who's been through it, I'm happy to share what worked (and what didn't) for our family.

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(Note: While I share from personal experience, every situation is unique. For complicated legal advice  always consult a qualified professional.)